6 Reasons Why People Go To Therapy

““I’m fine. Well, I’m not fine - I’m here.”
”Is there something wrong with that?”
”Absolutely.””

— Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

Are you on the fence about going to therapy? You sense it can be helpful but are still trying to find reasons why you should work with a mental health professional. If you’ve never worked with a therapist, it can feel intimidating to seek help from someone you don’t know or go through a process you don’t know what to expect. Perhaps you’ve had a not-so-great experience in the past and might feel hesitant to reach out to a therapist again. Sometimes, we might be going through ups and downs in life, but we might not necessarily consider them “that big of a deal” or “we have too much going on” to seek support from a counselor. I get it. All these and other scenarios can fill us with doubt about the therapy process, especially if you are wondering what you can work on in your sessions with your therapist.

Having more information about why people go to therapy and what things you and a therapist might address in sessions can help you take the leap to make your therapy appointment.

Here are 6 reasons why people might go to therapy:

1- To learn about themselves or understand themselves better

Are you pursuing more knowledge about yourself, your passions, and what lights you up? In this day and age, there can be different sources and voices telling us who we are. This might include social media, the people we hang out with, our relatives, T.V. media, etc. Sometimes their influence can affect us through their constant messaging of who we “should” be. People go to therapy to explore, talk about and learn about their identity, what they like and what they really want.  

2- To work on building their self-esteem and gaining confidence

Very much related to the reason above, people go to therapy to increase their self-esteem. When we have clarity of who we are, it is less challenging to gain confidence, know our worth, and make decisions that are attuned to who we are and where we want to be.

3- To learn about effective communication

Learning new strategies for healthier communication is another reason people go to therapy. This can be done individually, or it could be done with a partner. You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to learn how to communicate more effectively and assertively with others (relatives, friends, coworkers, managers, etc.). 

4- To learn about boundaries and how to set them

Boundaries are hard to set, especially if we tend to be people pleasers. “No” is a complete sentence, and those around you must respect your limits. Of course, we know that implementing this is easier said than done. A therapist can help you learn about boundaries, help you develop your own, and support you in establishing and following through with them by providing helpful tools. 

5- To process experiences or life events

Even when we are supported by people we trust, we might not feel comfortable sharing about things that have happened to us. Furthermore, those that we might trust to share our experiences with might not be equipped to help us in processing them, even if they are supportive and well-intentioned. Working with a therapist can allow you to share your experiences, feelings, and thoughts while providing an outside perspective and therapeutic tools to support you.

6- To talk about their grief

The topics of grief and loss can be taboo. Some people might avoid talking to or hearing someone talk about it, sometimes because of their discomfort and often because of not knowing how to navigate the conversations and support someone who is grieving. Because of this, we might not feel ok with grieving authentically. We might worry about how others might perceive us or feel around us. A therapist might offer you space to express your grief openly, including the common emotions related to grief, like anger, guilt, fear, and sadness. A therapist might also provide you with information and much-needed validation because it is normal and ok to grieve.

Have any of these reasons resonated with you yet? 

The truth is that sometimes you don’t need a “big” reason to start therapy. Although people might prefer to work with a therapist when dealing with uncomfortable emotions or going through a crisis, it’s okay to seek support from a mental health professional to continue to experience optimal well-being. We all have different reasons to seek support, and all of them are valid. No experience is small or less important. In fact, consistently working with a counselor is a preventive strategy; we can be prepared mentally with different coping mechanisms and support systems to face life’s hardships. Hard things will happen in life, and an established and trusted support system can help you move through the challenges with more tools. 

If some of these reasons resonate with you or you are ready to work with a therapist, contact us today. 

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BECOMING A CLIENT OR CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW IF YOU ARE READY TO SCHEDULE ONLINE NOW! YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL US AT HELLO@TRANSCENDENCECOUNSELINGFL.COM OR CALL OUR OFFICE AT 772-888-0212.

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“Why is my therapist checking the clock?”

“Why is my therapist checking the clock?”

…& other things your therapist does during sessions that you might be wondering about

If you are currently working with a therapist or have previously worked with one, you might be asking or might have asked yourself some questions about why your therapist could be doing certain things during sessions. Especially if you are new to therapy, there might be things your therapist does that you might find out of the ordinary or that you didn’t expect a therapist would do. It could also happen that something that your therapist does every session makes you ask yourself if you are doing something “wrong.” No, there’s no right or wrong way to “do therapy” as a client; your therapist might just be doing some typical things we do, and I want to tell you about them.

Why is my therapist checking the clock?

If your therapist looks at the clock during your sessions, but usually towards the end, your therapist might just be making sure they are not going over the session time. Trust me, and it is not that your therapist wants to “get rid” of you. It is just that they are prioritizing your time while also keeping an eye out for the start of the next client’s appointment (just like they did for yours). Additionally, your therapist might use those minutes before the next session to get some water, read some notes or go to the restroom!

Why does my therapist leave long pauses during my therapy sessions?

As awkward as it may be, your therapist might incur long pauses or use silence during your sessions to provide time for you to put thoughts or feelings into words, allot some space to regain composure, or grant processing time after an emotionally charged conversation. Silence can also benefit your therapist and allow them to process what you are saying. Your therapist might also use silence to “facilitate reflection, encourage responsibility, facilitate expression of feelings, to not interrupt session flow, and convey empathy” (Hill, Thompson, & Ladany, 2003). 

Why does my therapist write things down during my session?

While I do not find myself doing this often, I know and have seen some therapists I’ve worked with taking notes during sessions. During your sessions, your therapist might be writing down important things for them to remember or to keep in their notes. Other times, a therapist might be writing down their own thoughts that pop up about something you just shared so they might share with you later-– because they might not want to interrupt your train of thought. Some therapists write on paper; others prefer to type notes directly on their computers. If you are still curious about what other therapists might write about during therapy sessions, you might want to check out this article.

Why does my therapist ask me what I would like to talk about today? Aren’t therapists supposed to have a plan?

To not generalize, I have to preface this answer by saying that every therapist has their own style, approach, personality, etc. We all have different and preferred ways of approaching therapy sessions and work with clients. Therefore, therapists also prepare for their sessions in various ways. With that being said, if your therapist asks you, “what would you like to talk about today?” it might not necessarily mean that they have not prepared or planned for your session. Instead, they ask because it’s one of the ways they honor your right for self-determination (a.k.a. your ability to make your own decisions) and value your input on what’s the most important to discuss during your sessions. For the most part, the therapeutic process is led by you, the client. Your therapist is guided by you and hypothetically walks alongside you throughout your healing process by listening to you and assessing your needs. So, when your therapist asks you during your next session about what you want to talk about, it might be because they are trying to do just that. 

Why does my therapist give me homework at the end of some sessions?

Remember how I shared with you in the previous question that every therapist has their own style and approach? That statement also applies to this question. Not all therapists assign “homework,” and not doing so does not equate to that therapist being a “bad therapist.” Before I share with you why your therapist might give you homework to complete between sessions, let me first share what “homework” in the therapy setting could mean. Assigning “homework” is typically associated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a popular and effective theoretical approach in therapy. Assignments or homework outside of therapy sessions encourage the client to practice the skills discussed or learned during the therapy sessions in real-world settings. Examples of homework might be: completing journal entries, tracking your mood, and completing specific tasks related to the issue you are working through with your therapist. Suppose your therapist assigns you homework at the end of your session. In that case, they might be strategically encouraging you to put some skills or information you’ve learned with them into practice in your life away from the computer (if you have virtual therapy sessions) or outside of the therapy office.

If you have questions about things your therapist does during your sessions, don’t hesitate to ask them! I would say most therapists welcome those types of questions and conversations. 

If you read this blog post out of curiosity but don’t have a therapist, and you are looking to work alongside one, contact us today. 

Read more about me and my approach here or click here for more information on becoming a client.

CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW IF YOU ARE READY TO SCHEDULE ONLINE NOW! YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL US AT HELLO@TRANSCENDENCECOUNSELINGFL.COM OR CALL OUR OFFICE AT 772-888-0212.

References

Hill, C. E., Thompson, B. J., & Ladany, N. (2003). Therapist use of silence in therapy: A survey. Journal of clinical psychology, 59(4), 513-524.

10 Simple and Accessible Self-Care Practices For Your Mental Health

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

— Anne Lamott

When you hear the word “self-care,” what comes to mind? Using a face mask and taking a bubble bath? Getting a massage, getting a pedicure, or going to a spa?

While those things can help someone take care of themselves, “self-care” goes beyond those things. Self-care doesn’t have to be Instagram or Facebook-post worthy. Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be trendy or even expensive. Self-care as a practice encompasses taking simple actions to nourish and improve your well-being in accessible and personalized ways to support your physical & mental health needs and preferences. 

Here are 10 simple and accessible self-care practices that can improve your mental health:

1. Write down your thoughts. Practice journaling.

Journaling can help you clarify your thoughts and express your feelings. Sometimes, we don’t feel comfortable or ready to share what we feel or think with someone. Writing those things down on a piece of paper or a notebook can help release what we have inside and might be weighing us down. It can help us feel relieved, make sense of things and track our thoughts, patterns, changes, and improvement over time. 

2. Take a walk or sit outside, even for 5-10 minutes (weather permitting). 

Moving your body, being in nature, or basking in the sun for even a short period of time can have significant mental health benefits. Researchers have found, among other things, that being outside can help reduce depressive symptoms and improve overall mood.

3. Connect with a friend or a loved one. 

Call, text, send an Instagram or Facebook direct message. The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University published an article sharing that “people who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression…studies show they also have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, are more trusting and cooperative and, as a consequence, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them.” Connecting and fostering our relationships can be healing.

4. Practice deep breathing. 

The way you breathe affects your whole body. Practicing deep breathing can help reduce stress, tension, and feelings of anxiety. Here’s a simple deep breathing exercise: 

4-7-8 Breathing

•Place yourself in a comfortable position. Perhaps, place both hands on your belly or one hand on your chest and one on your belly.

•Breathe in slowly, and silently count to 4 as you take in a deep breath.

•1-2-3-4

•Hold your breath

•Silently count to 7

•1-2-3-4-5-6-7

•Breathe out as you silently count to 8

•1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8

•Repeat as needed

•Take inventory: How do you feel? What do you need?

5. Listen to your favorite music. Create a playlist with music that supports how you would like to feel.

For example, decide on how you’d like to feel (grounded, joyful, calm, etc.), create a playlist, and choose songs that may help you feel how you want or change your mood.

6. Exercise. Stretch. Move your body gently. 

Grief expert David Kessler once said, “emotions need motion.”  Our emotions do not only live in our minds; they also live in our bodies. Exercising is a broad term and can mean many things like walking, jogging, practicing yoga, or lifting weights. If exercising seems like a big undertaking right now, stretching and gently moving your body is a great alternative to stay in motion. There are great videos on YouTube with simple stretching routines like this one, or you can try a yoga for beginners video like this one by Yoga With Adrienne.

7. Drink water. Stay hydrated.

Just taking a small, seemingly simple step like drinking enough water can significantly impact your physical and mental health. Staying hydrated by drinking enough water is essential for maintaining a healthy body and mind. You can read more about why keeping hydrated is good for our mental health here.

8. Eat nourishing and balanced meals. 

I am not a nutritionist, but as a therapist, I know that the mind and the body are connected and go hand in hand. The founder of The Self-Care Institute, music therapist Ami Kunimura, shared: 

“Stress and eating can go hand in hand. Food can be used to cope with stress, and some food can also cause stress on the body. However, other foods can be healing and decrease the body’s stress response.” Her article “Nutrition and Stress Management” and the embedded video cover three ways diet and nutrition can support stress management and support your mental health.

9. Establish boundaries. Practice saying “no.”

Other boundaries you can establish can sound like:

• “I am resting because my body needs it.”

• “I will ask for help when I need it. I don’t have to do everything myself.”

• “I will limit my social media intake.”

• “I have a right to end draining relationships.”

10. Work with a therapist. 

Self-care can mean seeking support from a trusted professional and working collaboratively to address your mental health needs with them. When you work with a therapist, you offer yourself an opportunity to approach self-care from a unique place. Your therapist will allow you to learn about yourself, express your feelings, thoughts, and needs, and receive help from someone whose job is to be present with you through your healing journey.

If you are looking for support and to work collaboratively with a therapist, we are here to support you.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BECOMING A CLIENT OR CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW IF YOU ARE READY TO SCHEDULE ONLINE NOW! YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL US AT HELLO@TRANSCENDENCECOUNSELINGFL.COM OR CALL OUR OFFICE AT 772-888-0212.

Want to start therapy but are afraid of getting started? Check out Common Misconceptions About Psychotherapy!

Learn more about how therapy helps with managing stress: 5 Ways Therapists Help Their Clients Overcome Stress

Learn more about self-care: 10 Ways To Practice Self-care (that won't cost a thing)

50 Questions to Ask Your Therapist in Your First Session

“I find that when you open the door toward openness and transparency, a lot of people will follow you through.”

— Kirsten Gillibrand

Whether you’ve worked with a therapist in the past or not, having your first session with a new therapist can bring up different feelings like nervousness, hesitancy, and overwhelm. These feelings are normal and part of building trust and establishing a new relationship, in this case, a therapeutic relationship. 

Some of us find the process a little less nerve-racking if we know what to expect, or at least if we know how to prepare for our first meeting with our therapist. We can talk about what to expect during your first session with a therapist on a different blog post because I think that is very important to discuss, but today, we will equip you with a list of questions that you can ask your therapist in your first session. 

You might be thinking, “Is it ok to ask questions? Isn’t the therapist supposed to ask me questions?” Yes, your therapist will ask you questions, especially on your first visit, to get to know you and learn about why you are seeking therapy services, but you are allowed to ask questions as well. I would say that most of us therapists like it when our clients bring up questions. Therapy should be collaborative, a partnership in which the client and therapist, through the therapeutic alliance, can work together toward change. 

Here are 50 questions you might want to ask during your first session. Of course, you might not ask all of them, but these can give you an idea on some topics that might be important for you for a therapist to answer:

1. Where did you go to school?

2. What did you study? What was the process for you to become a therapist?

3. What licenses or certifications do you have?

4. Why did you choose to be a therapist?

5. What type of support can I expect from working with you?

6. How long have you been a therapist?

7. Have you always been a therapist, or have you had other careers/jobs?

8. What are some of the social justice issues that are important to you?

9. Do you consider yourself an advocate? How so?

10. How do social justice issues affect our mental health?

11. Do you practice from a social justice informed lens, and what does that look like for you?

12. What are your views on disability, ableism, inclusion, diversity, and accessibility?

13. What is your experience in working with people that share marginalized identities?

14. What do anti-oppressive practices look like for you as a therapist?

15. Do you think therapy is effective? Why?

16. Do you prescribe medications?

17. Do you assign homework or exercises/tasks/reading to do in between sessions?

18. What would you say is your approach when working with clients in therapy?

19. How would you be able to support me through what I’m going through right now?

20. What is your understanding and approach to working with trauma?

21. What are some of the goals you recommend we work on in therapy?

22. Do you use any creative modalities in therapy? 

23. What do you think about mindfulness?

24. Do you take continuing education courses or, how do you keep up with new research, education, or techniques?

25. What are your areas of specialty?

26. What are some of your favorite books, therapy-related or not?

27. How do you take care of your mental health?

28. Do you practice self-care? What does that look like for you?

29. What will our sessions look like after this first one/

30. Do you accept insurance? Why or why not?

31. Do you have your own therapist?

32. Why is it essential for you to work with a therapist if you are a therapist?

33. How would I know if we are a good fit?

34. How often would we meet?

35. Do you offer Telehealth (virtual) sessions?

36. Do you have any social media accounts? And, are current or past clients allowed to follow you?

37. Is it ok for me to like your content or interact with your therapy social media accounts as your client?

38. What are your boundaries when it comes to social media?

39. What are some of your favorite therapy accounts to follow on Instagram?

40. What are some of your favorite therapy blogs you read?

41. What happens if I see you at the supermarket or out and about? Do I say ‘hi” to you? Do I ignore you?

42. Would I have to talk a lot during my sessions?

43. What sets you apart from other therapists?

44. What is your approach to helping? Are you confrontational, directive, more guiding, etc.?

45. Do you have a favorite quote?

46. What if I have some things I want to share with you in-between sessions? What should I do?

47. What do I do if I have to reschedule a session with you?

48. What is your cancellation policy? What if I have an emergency?

49. How would you describe your personality as a therapist?

50. What if I decide I no longer want to work with you in the future?

Now that you have some ideas of questions you might want to ask a therapist during your first session, bring your questions in a notebook, a piece of paper, or even written on your phone's notes app. Your voice and perspective are valued, and your questions are welcome here. 

If you are looking to collaborate with a therapist, we are here to support you.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BECOMING A CLIENT, OR CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW IF YOU ARE READY TO SCHEDULE ONLINE NOW! YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL US AT HELLO@TRANSCENDENCECOUNSELINGFL.COM OR CALL OUR OFFICE AT 772-888-0212.

Want to start therapy but are afraid of getting started? Check out Common Misconceptions About Psychotherapy!

Learn more about how therapy helps with managing stress: 5 Ways Therapists Help Their Clients Overcome Stress

Learn more about self-care: 10 Ways To Practice Self-care (that won't cost a thing)!

9 Tips For Coping With Grief During The Holidays

“ Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

— Vicki Harrison

The holidays celebrated in the winter months (at least in the USA) can be attached to expectations and memories of years past. Those memories often serve as reminders of the losses we have experienced. Expectations, watching others celebrate and seemingly enjoy this time of year while we are grieving our losses, can also be overwhelming and hurtful.

By acknowledging this truth, we want to validate your pain and remind you that although assumed to be, the holidays do not have to be joyful and merry.

We know that holiday events, sights, and conversations are sometimes almost inevitable, so we want to share with you nine tips for coping with grief during the holidays.

1. Establish some boundaries

One of the most important but most challenging things to do is to say “no.” It is okay to prioritize your wellbeing and take care of your grief by saying no to holiday activities or added responsibilities (like making a dish, helping to decorate, etc.).

Think in advance about the things you might feel comfortable doing and those you might not. It may also be essential to reflect on the people you might be spending time with, who might be supportive, whose presence might be comforting to you, and whose energy might be draining or just “a little bit too much” to be around at this time. 

Life has changed, and it might be comforting to let go of the “shoulds” and expectations this time of year. 

2. Honor what you’re feeling

Your grief journey is unique and different from somebody else's grief journey. Like we said before, this time of year doesn’t have to feel cheerful just because it is “expected”. Sometimes we are drawn to feel guilty if we don’t join in the holiday cheer. Regardless of what’s happening in the world and with the people around you, remember that your grief still matters. Similarly, you might experience joy during this time even though you are grieving. It’s ok to feel more than one feeling at once. A positive, comfortable, or joyful feeling does not invalidate your grief.

3. Create a holiday grief toolbox

Think about different coping skills and strategies as tools in your “grief toolbox.” First, think about those things that are comforting to you. For example, maybe having your favorite blanket, sweater, or mug available will bring you some comfort. Next, think about the activities you like to do to help you cope when you are in distress: journaling, exercising, walking, baking, playing or listening to music, watching a movie, or coloring are just a few ideas. Finally, add to your toolbox some mindfulness exercises like doing some deep breathing exercises, meditating using some meditation apps like Calm or Insight Timer, stretching or doing yoga, or trying a creative activity like drawing while you listen to your favorite music.

 4. Ask for help

Who are the people by whom you feel the most supported? Family, friends, colleagues? Surround yourself with those people who offer you support and allow you to express your grief and honor your limits. 

We know it’s difficult to ask for help. But, there’s usually somebody in our lives who is willing to help us. They might be giving us some space, and sometimes we just need to ask. 

If help is offered, it is ok to accept it. We don’t have to go through this time of year alone.

5. Commemorate memories & traditions

Even though things may look different this year, you are allowed to celebrate some of your old traditions. Sometimes this might help to commemorate who or what you’ve lost. For example, if you are grieving the loss of someone you love, making their favorite dish, saying a toast in their honor, or playing their favorite song might be comforting to you. Find what feels right to you. Some people might find comfort in this, while others might find honoring traditions incredibly painful. Honor your feelings and remember that commemorating traditions and memories do not diminish your grief.

6. Create new traditions

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays, especially after experiencing a loss. If celebrating old traditions feels overwhelming or painful, permit yourself to create new traditions. Perhaps you don’t have to make that dish you’ve always prepared. Perhaps, someone else can host your family. Maybe instead of getting together with a big group of people, you meet with a small group. Plan ahead, get support from others, and let go of expectations.

7. Take care of yourself

This tip goes hand in hand with our suggestion of creating your grief coping toolbox. First, plan and know what things bring you comfort and allow you to stay healthy. For example, taking a walk, moving your body, or writing your thoughts down by journaling may enable you to process your emotions differently. Next, identify the key, supportive people in your life, like friends, family, colleagues, or a counselor. Next, give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Finally, give yourself permission to say “no” and grieve the way you need to.

8. Let go of expectations

Do others bring on these expectations, or are they self-imposed? 

These expectations can exacerbate your grief and lead to guilt. Going back to the boundary talk we shared before, if someone in your life has set these expectations, try to communicate your needs and what you are able to do at this time. If these expectations are self-imposed, permit yourself to say “no”, knowing that you are putting yourself first.

It’s OK to do things a little bit differently this year. 

9. Talk to a therapist

Grief is exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Even after following these tips, it might still be hard to go through this time of year while grieving. Working with a therapist might allow you to express and process those feelings and thoughts that you may not be comfortable sharing with other people in your life. A therapist can offer guidance, tips, resources, and a listening ear to hold space for you and your grief and provide support from the sidelines while navigating this grief journey with you. You don’t have to do it alone.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve during this time of year.

It’s never too early or too late to reach out for support. 

Are you looking to work with a counselor to help you through your grief journey?

Then, we are here for you. 

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BECOMING A CLIENT, OR CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW IF YOU ARE READY TO SCHEDULE ONLINE NOW! YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL US AT HELLO@TRANSCENDENCECOUNSELINGFL.COM OR CALL OUR OFFICE AT 772-888-0212.

Learn more about setting healthy holiday boundaries: 5 Simple Tips for Maintaining Healthy Holiday Boundaries

Learn more about stress management during the Holidays: 9 Simple Tips for Managing Holiday Stress and Overwhelm

Learn more about how therapy helps with managing stress: 5 Ways Therapists Help Their Clients Overcome Stress

Learn more about self-care: 10 Ways To Practice Self-care (that won't cost a thing)!

Learn more about therapy: The Truth about Psychotherapy: Confronting Ten Common Misconceptions