“ Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
The holidays celebrated in the winter months (at least in the USA) can be attached to expectations and memories of years past. Those memories often serve as reminders of the losses we have experienced. Expectations, watching others celebrate and seemingly enjoy this time of year while we are grieving our losses, can also be overwhelming and hurtful.
By acknowledging this truth, we want to validate your pain and remind you that although assumed to be, the holidays do not have to be joyful and merry.
We know that holiday events, sights, and conversations are sometimes almost inevitable, so we want to share with you nine tips for coping with grief during the holidays.
1. Establish some boundaries
One of the most important but most challenging things to do is to say “no.” It is okay to prioritize your wellbeing and take care of your grief by saying no to holiday activities or added responsibilities (like making a dish, helping to decorate, etc.).
Think in advance about the things you might feel comfortable doing and those you might not. It may also be essential to reflect on the people you might be spending time with, who might be supportive, whose presence might be comforting to you, and whose energy might be draining or just “a little bit too much” to be around at this time.
Life has changed, and it might be comforting to let go of the “shoulds” and expectations this time of year.
2. Honor what you’re feeling
Your grief journey is unique and different from somebody else's grief journey. Like we said before, this time of year doesn’t have to feel cheerful just because it is “expected”. Sometimes we are drawn to feel guilty if we don’t join in the holiday cheer. Regardless of what’s happening in the world and with the people around you, remember that your grief still matters. Similarly, you might experience joy during this time even though you are grieving. It’s ok to feel more than one feeling at once. A positive, comfortable, or joyful feeling does not invalidate your grief.
3. Create a holiday grief toolbox
Think about different coping skills and strategies as tools in your “grief toolbox.” First, think about those things that are comforting to you. For example, maybe having your favorite blanket, sweater, or mug available will bring you some comfort. Next, think about the activities you like to do to help you cope when you are in distress: journaling, exercising, walking, baking, playing or listening to music, watching a movie, or coloring are just a few ideas. Finally, add to your toolbox some mindfulness exercises like doing some deep breathing exercises, meditating using some meditation apps like Calm or Insight Timer, stretching or doing yoga, or trying a creative activity like drawing while you listen to your favorite music.
4. Ask for help
Who are the people by whom you feel the most supported? Family, friends, colleagues? Surround yourself with those people who offer you support and allow you to express your grief and honor your limits.
We know it’s difficult to ask for help. But, there’s usually somebody in our lives who is willing to help us. They might be giving us some space, and sometimes we just need to ask.
If help is offered, it is ok to accept it. We don’t have to go through this time of year alone.
5. Commemorate memories & traditions
Even though things may look different this year, you are allowed to celebrate some of your old traditions. Sometimes this might help to commemorate who or what you’ve lost. For example, if you are grieving the loss of someone you love, making their favorite dish, saying a toast in their honor, or playing their favorite song might be comforting to you. Find what feels right to you. Some people might find comfort in this, while others might find honoring traditions incredibly painful. Honor your feelings and remember that commemorating traditions and memories do not diminish your grief.
6. Create new traditions
There is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays, especially after experiencing a loss. If celebrating old traditions feels overwhelming or painful, permit yourself to create new traditions. Perhaps you don’t have to make that dish you’ve always prepared. Perhaps, someone else can host your family. Maybe instead of getting together with a big group of people, you meet with a small group. Plan ahead, get support from others, and let go of expectations.
7. Take care of yourself
This tip goes hand in hand with our suggestion of creating your grief coping toolbox. First, plan and know what things bring you comfort and allow you to stay healthy. For example, taking a walk, moving your body, or writing your thoughts down by journaling may enable you to process your emotions differently. Next, identify the key, supportive people in your life, like friends, family, colleagues, or a counselor. Next, give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Finally, give yourself permission to say “no” and grieve the way you need to.
8. Let go of expectations
Do others bring on these expectations, or are they self-imposed?
These expectations can exacerbate your grief and lead to guilt. Going back to the boundary talk we shared before, if someone in your life has set these expectations, try to communicate your needs and what you are able to do at this time. If these expectations are self-imposed, permit yourself to say “no”, knowing that you are putting yourself first.
It’s OK to do things a little bit differently this year.
9. Talk to a therapist
Grief is exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Even after following these tips, it might still be hard to go through this time of year while grieving. Working with a therapist might allow you to express and process those feelings and thoughts that you may not be comfortable sharing with other people in your life. A therapist can offer guidance, tips, resources, and a listening ear to hold space for you and your grief and provide support from the sidelines while navigating this grief journey with you. You don’t have to do it alone.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve during this time of year.
It’s never too early or too late to reach out for support.
Are you looking to work with a counselor to help you through your grief journey?
Then, we are here for you.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BECOMING A CLIENT, OR CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW IF YOU ARE READY TO SCHEDULE ONLINE NOW! YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL US AT HELLO@TRANSCENDENCECOUNSELINGFL.COM OR CALL OUR OFFICE AT 772-888-0212.
Learn more about setting healthy holiday boundaries: 5 Simple Tips for Maintaining Healthy Holiday Boundaries
Learn more about stress management during the Holidays: 9 Simple Tips for Managing Holiday Stress and Overwhelm
Learn more about how therapy helps with managing stress: 5 Ways Therapists Help Their Clients Overcome Stress
Learn more about self-care: 10 Ways To Practice Self-care (that won't cost a thing)!
Learn more about therapy: The Truth about Psychotherapy: Confronting Ten Common Misconceptions