If you are currently working with a therapist or have previously worked with one, you might be asking or might have asked yourself some questions about why your therapist could be doing certain things during sessions. Especially if you are new to therapy, there might be things your therapist does that you might find out of the ordinary or that you didn’t expect a therapist would do. It could also happen that something that your therapist does every session makes you ask yourself if you are doing something “wrong.” No, there’s no right or wrong way to “do therapy” as a client; your therapist might just be doing some typical things we do, and I want to tell you about them.

Why is my therapist checking the clock?

If your therapist looks at the clock during your sessions, but usually towards the end, your therapist might just be making sure they are not going over the session time. Trust me, and it is not that your therapist wants to “get rid” of you. It is just that they are prioritizing your time while also keeping an eye out for the start of the next client’s appointment (just like they did for yours). Additionally, your therapist might use those minutes before the next session to get some water, read some notes or go to the restroom!

Why does my therapist leave long pauses during my therapy sessions?

As awkward as it may be, your therapist might incur long pauses or use silence during your sessions to provide time for you to put thoughts or feelings into words, allot some space to regain composure, or grant processing time after an emotionally charged conversation. Silence can also benefit your therapist and allow them to process what you are saying. Your therapist might also use silence to “facilitate reflection, encourage responsibility, facilitate expression of feelings, to not interrupt session flow, and convey empathy” (Hill, Thompson, & Ladany, 2003). 

Why does my therapist write things down during my session?

While I do not find myself doing this often, I know and have seen some therapists I’ve worked with taking notes during sessions. During your sessions, your therapist might be writing down important things for them to remember or to keep in their notes. Other times, a therapist might be writing down their own thoughts that pop up about something you just shared so they might share with you later-– because they might not want to interrupt your train of thought. Some therapists write on paper; others prefer to type notes directly on their computers. If you are still curious about what other therapists might write about during therapy sessions, you might want to check out this article.

Why does my therapist ask me what I would like to talk about today? Aren’t therapists supposed to have a plan?

To not generalize, I have to preface this answer by saying that every therapist has their own style, approach, personality, etc. We all have different and preferred ways of approaching therapy sessions and work with clients. Therefore, therapists also prepare for their sessions in various ways. With that being said, if your therapist asks you, “what would you like to talk about today?” it might not necessarily mean that they have not prepared or planned for your session. Instead, they ask because it’s one of the ways they honor your right for self-determination (a.k.a. your ability to make your own decisions) and value your input on what’s the most important to discuss during your sessions. For the most part, the therapeutic process is led by you, the client. Your therapist is guided by you and hypothetically walks alongside you throughout your healing process by listening to you and assessing your needs. So, when your therapist asks you during your next session about what you want to talk about, it might be because they are trying to do just that. 

Why does my therapist give me homework at the end of some sessions?

Remember how I shared with you in the previous question that every therapist has their own style and approach? That statement also applies to this question. Not all therapists assign “homework,” and not doing so does not equate to that therapist being a “bad therapist.” Before I share with you why your therapist might give you homework to complete between sessions, let me first share what “homework” in the therapy setting could mean. Assigning “homework” is typically associated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a popular and effective theoretical approach in therapy. Assignments or homework outside of therapy sessions encourage the client to practice the skills discussed or learned during the therapy sessions in real-world settings. Examples of homework might be: completing journal entries, tracking your mood, and completing specific tasks related to the issue you are working through with your therapist. Suppose your therapist assigns you homework at the end of your session. In that case, they might be strategically encouraging you to put some skills or information you’ve learned with them into practice in your life away from the computer (if you have virtual therapy sessions) or outside of the therapy office.

If you have questions about things your therapist does during your sessions, don’t hesitate to ask them! I would say most therapists welcome those types of questions and conversations. 

If you read this blog post out of curiosity but don’t have a therapist, and you are looking to work alongside one, contact us today. 

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References

Hill, C. E., Thompson, B. J., & Ladany, N. (2003). Therapist use of silence in therapy: A survey. Journal of clinical psychology, 59(4), 513-524.